When we passed a Catholic church, I recalled, he said, "You think your dad's a good chemist? They're turning soda crackers into meat in there. Can your dad do that?

I'd rather have written "Cheers" than anything I've written.

There are almost no characters in this story, and almost no dramatic confrontations, because most of the people in it are so sick and so much the listless playthings of enormous forces. One of the main effects of war, after all, is that people are discouraged from being characters.

She hated people who thought too much. At that moment, she struck me as an appropriate representative for almost all mankind.

The Bible may be the Greatest Story Ever Told, but the most popular story you can ever tell is about a good-looking couple having a really swell time copulating outside wedlock, and having to quit for one reason or another while doing it is still a novelty.

People like to feel entitled, whether they're actually entitled or not.

The youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an adult conversation.