We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

There are too many of us and we are all too far apart.

Please — a little less love, and a little more common decency.

A sum of money is a leading character in this tale about people, just as a sum of honey might properly be a leading character in a tale about bees.

We went to the New York World's Fair, saw what the past had been like, according to the Ford Motor Car Company and Walt Disney, saw what the future would be like, according to General Motors. And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.

We don't make bicycles anymore. It's all human relations now. The eggheads sit around trying to figure out new ways for everyone to be happy. Nobody can get fired, no matter what; and if somebody does accidentally make a bicycle, the union accuses us of cruel and inhuman practices and the government confiscates the bicycle for back taxes and gives it to a blind man in Afghanistan.

One good thing about TV is, if you die violently, God forbid, on camera, you will not have died in vain because you will be great entertainment.