We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

Do you think Arabs are dumb? They gave us our numbers. Try doing long division with Roman numerals.

Perhaps, when we remember wars, we should take off our clothes and paint ourselves blue and go on all fours all day long and grunt like pigs. That would surely be more appropriate than noble oratory and shows of flags and well-oiled guns.

I consider anybody a twerp who hasn't read the greatest American short story, which is 'Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge,' by Ambrose Bierce.

Nothing in this book is true.

It is, in the imagination of combat's fans, the divinely listless loveplay that follows the orgasm of victory. It is called 'mopping up.