Maybe they invited me because they know I have a tuxedo

It was a thunderingly beautiful experience-voluptuous, sexual, dangerous, and expensive as hell.

I don't know what's going on, and I'm probably not smart enough to understand if somebody was to explain it to me. All I know is we're being tested somehow, by somebody or some thing a whole lot smarter than us, and all I can do is be friendly and keep calm and try and have a nice time till it's over.

I think William Shakespeare was the wisest human being I ever heard of. To be perfectly frank, though, that's not saying much. We are impossibly conceited animals, and actually dumb as heck. Ask any teacher. You don't even have to ask a teacher. Ask anybody. Dogs and cats are smarter than we are.

The waitress brought me another drink. She wanted to light my hurricane lamp again. I wouldn't let her. "Can you see anything in the dark, with your sunglasses on?" she asked me. "The big show is inside my head," I said.

He was a graduate of West Point, which is military academy that turns young men into homicidal maniacs for use in war.

Here is the solution to the American drug problem suggested a couple years back by the wife of our President: "Just say no.