We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

He wanted to talk to them, if he could, to discover whether they had truths about life which he had never heard before. Here is what he hoped new truths might do for him: enable him to laugh at his troubles, to go on living, and to keep out of the North Wing of the Midland County General Hospital, which was for lunatics.

There's almost nothing like native Midwesterner anywhere else in the world, except in Asia. They're miracles all in themselves.

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish that people wouldn't get so mad at them.

That's what my books are, now that I'm a grownup - mosaics of jokes.

The little girls were wearing black party dresses and black party shoes, so strangers would know at once how nice they were.