We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

There are lots of things worth doing that are no way to make a living. They are agreeable ways to make a more agreeable life.

You know, I think the main purpose of the Army, Navy, and Marine Corps is to get poor Americans into clean, pressed, unpatched clothes, so rich Americans can stand to look at them.

It's a nice glass of champagne at the end of a life.

there i was in late middle age, cut loose in a thoroughly looted, bankrupt nation whose assets had been sold off to foreigners, a nation swamped by unchecked plagues and superstition and illiteracy and hypnotic tv, with virtually no health services for the poor. where to go? what to do?

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.

Sometimes I wonder if he wasn't born dead. I never met a man who was less interested in the living. Sometimes I think that's the trouble with the world: too many people in high places who are stone-cold dead.