Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.

Never have I risked my life, or even my comfort, in the service of mankind. Shame on me.

The paintings by dead men who were poor most of their lives are the most valuable pieces in my collection. And if an artist wants to really jack up the prices of his creations, may I suggest this: suicide.

If you want to break the rules of grammar, first learn the rules of grammar.

Any scientist who can't explain to an eight-year-old what he is doing is a charlatan.

Do you think Arabs are dumb? They gave us our numbers. Try doing long division with Roman numerals.

George Bush and his gang imagine they are being political geniuses.