The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

When the last living thing Has died on account of us, How poetical it would be If Earth could say, In a voice floating up Perhaps From the floor Of the Grand Canyon, "It is done." People did not like it here.

They were lovebirds. They entertained each other endlessly with little gifts: sights worth seeing out the plane window, amusing or instructive bits from things they read, random recollections of times gone by. They were, I think, a flawless example of what Bokonon calls a duprass, which is a karass composed of only two persons.

It pains me even now, even a million years later, to write about such human misbehaviour. A million years later, I feel like apologizing for the human race. That’s all I can say.

My soul seemed as foul as smoke from burning cat fur.

What is my definition of jazz? "Safe sex of the highest order."

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.