Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies - "God damn it, you've got to be kind."

I say in speeches that a plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at least a little bit. I am then asked if I know of any artists who pulled that off. I reply, 'The Beatles did.

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.

The big show is inside my head.

I was hoping to build a country and add to its literature. That's why I served in World War II, and that's why I wrote books.

Freud said he didn't know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to.

I'm odd, I know,' he said. 'It's fear of myself that's made me odd.