Literature is the only art in which the audience performs the score.

If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.

Educating a beautiful woman is like pouring honey into a fine Swiss watch: everything stops.

Any form of government, not just Capitalism, is whatever people who have all our money, drunk or sober, sane or insane, decide to do today.

Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.

The person who writes the bank's commercials is not the person who makes the loans.

Trout's leading robot looked like a human being, and could talk and dance and so on, and go out with girls. And nobody held it against him that he dropped jellied gasoline on people. But they found his halitosis unforgivable. But then he cleared that up, and he was welcomed to the human race.