You can get through your whole day only around people who will tell you that you're wonderful. But pretty soon they're going to have to be lying about that.

I love children and I love men, but I can't commit to either for the rest of my life.

But I know somebody who has a bedside urinal. How do I compete with that?

I'm afraid of the dark, so I have a lot of night-lights.

I love talking about myself.

Everybody wants to solve everybody's problems.

Coffee and smoking are the last great addictions.