When a man is discontented with himself, it has one advantage - that it puts him into an excellent frame of mind for making a bargain.

Nothing is so perfectly amusing as a total change of ideas.

Tis no extravagant arithmetic to say, that for every ten jokes, thou hast got an hundred enemies; and till thou hast gone on, and raised a swarm of wasps about thine ears, and art half stung to death by them, thou wilt never be convinced it is so.

Vanity bids all her sons be brave, and all her daughters chaste and courteous.

Did ever woman, since the creation of the world, interrupt a man with such a silly question?

I pity the man who can travel from Dan to Beersheba, and cry, 'Tis all barren--and so it is; and so is all the world to him who will not cultivate the fruits it offers.

An atheist is more reclaimable than a papist, as ignorance is sooner cured than superstition.