As my late mother famously observed, the one thing to be said for growing old is that every year there are a few more things I don’t have to give a rat’s ass about.

I never know what I'm going to write next, and when I think I do I usually turn out to be mistaken.

Why on earth should I care whether people read me with their eyes or their ears?

I don't know about the rest of the country but in New York more people have learned anonymity from rent control than ever discovered it in a twelve-step program.

It's the easiest thing in the world to know God's will. You just wait and see what happens, and that's it.

If you cannot stand a spoon upright in the cup, then the coffee is too weak.

Back then, before it became clear that democracy was best served by a drunken electorate, the bars in New York City were required to close on Election Day.