Being called gay is worse than transgender. I remember when I started fighting way back in 1999 for hijas' rights, and I said the state doesn't have the right to use my gender to club me into "gay." If I say I am not a man then who are you to question it? Being called gay or a man really upsets me.
Laxmi Narayan TripathiI was recently chief guest at a function, and one of the boys who had exploited me in the childhood was there. He could not even look at me, but I was kind to him. I have not forgiven, but I believe that what you do to me is your karma and what I do to you is my karma. What is gone is gone. I have lived it, I have overpowered it. I don't carry any baggage with me. It's done, it's finished, it's over. You can't change the past, but you can make the future much more beautiful.
Laxmi Narayan TripathiAt times, my parents said, "Let's get the child married," and I said a big no. Impossible. How could I be with a woman? I told them, "If you try to get me married, I'll get myself castrated and commit suicide." It was the best weapon. They were shocked, and they knew that if I decided, I would do it. I was selfish. I just wanted to live my life.
Laxmi Narayan TripathiI was first sexually exploited when I was seven, by a distant cousin at a family wedding. Even after that I was routinely molested by older cousins and their friends. See, my innocence was taken away and I became mature at one bloody incident. I believe I never had a childhood. I grew up as an elderly person. And that's what my femininity brought upon me. Of course, in a patriarchal society, hijras' bodies are thought of as toys.
Laxmi Narayan TripathiHijras are a sexual minority that is visible, and yet we are treated as the invisibles. I believe I was never invisible. I thought, "I'm the face in the crowd, not the crowd."
Laxmi Narayan TripathiI always say, "First complete your education, be what you want to be in life, get a position, start earning. Then, when you are financially stable, everything will be stable in your life." I have become like a role model, and people feel that I must have had a really cool life, my parents accepting me, like a Cinderella story. It's not like a Cinderella story for me. I had to be my own fairy godmother and create myself. I took decisions and I lived with those decisions, and I did everything for my own dignity.
Laxmi Narayan TripathiPeople believe that if a hijra curses you, bad things will happen. That God Ram blessed hijras with this power, that our blessings and curses will come true. People give us money because they are scared of our curse. Now that's the only way hijras can survive - by saying, "Give me money, otherwise I'll curse you." That clap, which scares people, has become our identity. In a way, you use myths and misconceptions for your own survival.
Laxmi Narayan Tripathi