A lot of things run through your head when you're going in to relieve in a tight spot. One of them was, "Should I spike myself?"

I've got a new invention. It's a revolving bowl for tired goldfish.

I'm something like the old soak who never knew whether his wife told him to take one drink and come home at 12, or take 12 and come home at one.

He (Jimmie Foxx) has muscles in his hair.

Only triple I ever got.

I'd rather be lucky than good

I never had a bad night in my life, but I've had a few bad mornings.