On the dance floor, as much as you say, 'Ladies, you are the car. He is the driver. You can only go where he takes you,' they still try to be in control.

As you get older, things conk out. It's a bit like a car. As long as it's something the mechanics can fix, you can chug on for a few more thousand miles.

I haven't danced since 1973; I'm too old.

The trouble when you die is that everyone says you were nice. I would like to be thought of as genuinely nice. I would like there to be people who can honestly say: "Len! Oh yeah, there was more good than bad in him.

I am good in bed - I don't snore. I don't take the duvet. I just lay there and go straight off to sleep. That's all you want out of a bloke.

You have to speak your mind, but without being cruel.

Your money is like your willy, it only grows if you play with it