A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them.

I wish I'd known you when you were alive.

History is the short trudge from Adam to atom.

A university is a college with a stadium seating over 40,000.

He is a fine friend. He stabs you in the front.

Only the dead have no troubles.

Chicago - a pompous Milwaukee.