Pastoralia by George Saunders. Possibly my favorite book. Its one of the weirdest books Ive ever read. If Monty Python and Thomas Pynchon had a love child, and it was raised by Frank Zappa on a weird commune, that would be this book.

I'm going to eviscerate you and leave your organs on a pike in the yard as a warning to those who wear large jewelry.

I hate high heels. Walking in high heels for eight hours a day should be forbidden by the Geneva Convention.

I’m not interested in being polite. It’s false.

People will believe anything if it means they can go on with their lives and not have to think too hard about it.

If God has nothing better to do than punish schoolgirls for a bit of tomfoolery, then I've no use for God.

I've never been in love. I will die without knowing what it feels like to need to see one person's face when you go to sleep at night, to crave seeing it when you wake up. I wish I knew.