Everything in my life comes up a little shorter than I want it to be. I've got all these high aspirations for myself, my career and my faith and it would come up not even close to what I want it to be.

I hate the confessional. I love leaving the confessional. I hate going to the confessional. I would be a mess without it.

I don't know any saint who wanted to be the patron saint of kissing.

We always think of saints as these monks or nuns or popes or priests from centuries ago who were celibate or lived very quiet lives. Maybe we don't know a lot about a lot them but what I'm saying is the saints of the 21st century are gonna be regular people - people who've kissed other people. They're gonna be married people.

According to the Church, one of the key attributes of sainthood is death. You have to die first. So, I'll agree already (that) I might not have all the attributes that usually that the Church looks for when canonizing somebody because I'm supposed to be dead already.

Everything can be brought to the extreme. Food is good, overeating is bad. Possessions are good, hoarding is bad. Guilt is good, obsessing about guilt is bad. But I think guilt is good because I'm like, "Hey, I just stabbed that guy and I feel pretty good."

Everybody is called to become a saint. Not everybody's gonna be canonized by the Church...The only thing about being canonized is you're already dead so you don't even get to go to the party.