His sense of humor is purely cheap vaudeville, yet everyone falls for it.

She suspects her husband, Jake, might be gay." "Did you suggest she ask him?" Mom laughed. "Of course not. Business is slow.

ISABEL: Sorry I missed my session Monday. DR. RUSH: Would you like to tell me why? ISABEL: I was depressed. DR. RUSH: That's a good reason to come to therapy.

My father insisted that the boys in my life were directly responsible for my juvenile-delinquent tendencies. My mother, more accurately, assumed that I was the bad influence.

I entered his apartment without being invited, which is perfectly fine if you're not a vampire.

Somebody is always hiding something.

I'm staying," Henry said, annoyed. "Why?" "Because, if I leave, it would be like abandoning two mentally challenged people in a nuclear waste dump.