We live in a nation where corporations are people.

There are people that say you should never use humor to talk about anything that's important or hard, and since I don't believe that, at some point there has to be a level of "agree to disagree."

In an odd way, my parents were proud of me. When they saw me do stand-up, I'd see them looking around the room and watch them taking in the people laughing. On some level, that comforted them.

Nebraska is proof that hell is full and the dead are walking the earth.

The political satirist usually votes against their own interests, but the bottom line is that it doesn't really matter.

If you are very religious, and your religion teaches you that conception equals a baby, I don't know how I'm ever going to win you over to my side.

People who came to the clinics or came to the fundraiser knew what was happening in their state but didn't realize the profundity of what was happening all over the place. But the third thing [was] that at every single clinic I went to, somebody who worked there - it could have been the doctor, it could have been the receptionist - said, "Thank you for coming, no one ever comes." And it broke my heart...I've used these services, I've had an abortion, I got to be where I am because of access to making choices to have the life I wanted.