I could be an alternative comic. I could be that really dark - I was - I was a very dark comic to begin with. I could be that guy, and the only reason I didn't is that I wanted to make money. I wanted to be popular. I wanted to be liked more than I wanted to be admired.

I'm a 7 o'clock act. My people want to go to a show, a dinner and then go home and go to bed.

Playing Mrs.Baskets was an interesting experience for me. It was the most rewarding thing I've done since Life With Louie. So you never know: If somebody asks you to put a wig and a dress on, you shouldn't just say "no" right away.You should at least see if there's money, fame, and satisfaction involved.

I'm still working! I think of all the other comics that didn't get the light shined on them, just because it's just how fame works, and it's unfortunate. But there are so many great comics out there who are still working, and I still see them.

Real people are good and grumpy. They're nice and mean. And I come from a nice and mean family. My mom was nice, and my dad was mean. So I would've served myself a lot better if Louie Lundgren would've blown up at some of the people he was talking to. I think it would've really served everybody better. We'd probably still be on the air!

I'm a kid from Minnesota. I like seeing movie stars! So I'm there at The ivy, I've got my shrimp, Eddie Murphy comes in with his gang. I said to the waiter, as any good Midwestern boy would, "Hey, put Eddie's check on my American Express card, but don't tell him that I did it 'til I'm gone." Next day I got a call from manager who said, "Eddie's doing a movie, he was very impressed that you bought him lunch." So remember: sometimes buying people lunch can really work out well for you.

After 34 years, I feel like I did when I was starting out. I feel excited and feel I've never been better doing what I do.