When you by nature subscribe to the view that everyone except yourself is a berk or a wanker, it is hard to bond with anybody in any rational common cause.

I hate to be treated as if I'm invisible. I get incensed when people talk across me or refuse to catch my eye in a restaurant or shop.

The rule is: don’t use commas like a stupid person. I mean it.

The main advantage of working at home is that you get to find out what cats really do all day.

Sticklers never read a book without a pencil at hand, to correct the typographical errors. In short, we are unattractive know-all obsessives who get things out of proportion and are in continual peril of being disowned by our exasperated families.

My favorite thing in the world is a quiz show, 'University Challenge,' so you can see what kind of sad person I am.

There are people who embrace the Oxford comma and those who don't, and I'll just say this: never get between these people when drink has been taken.