Passing out while you try to kill yourself is like failing at failing.

If Manliness had a soundtrack, the score would be metal.

I don't get it: they re-package the same shitty football games every year, update a few stats, call it a new game and millions of suckers keep buying them. What's the point? Why not just go outside and play real football instead? Or even better yet, get bent. Nobody likes football.

When the iPhone was first announced, CEO Steve Jobs spewed enough BS to cover a football field full of babies 3 feet deep in bullshit, which sounds cool because he could have potentially murdered a football field full of babies, but he passed on this opportunity by introducing the phone instead.

Whales are drinking all our water and eating our sailors.

If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.

The only thing that goes with Crocs is social Ostracism.