I am an alcoholic, as I said. And it is however we call it, a disease. That's an explanation, but not an excuse.

Conservatism is not a political ideology, it is a severe form of brain damage for which there's hardly any cure.

To lose one parent is a tragedy, to lose both is utter carelessness.

Whenever I'm broadcasting, I like it. When I'm broadcasting I can't wait to hear what I say.

Somebody once said that the Irish derived the greatest benefit from the English language. They court it like a beautiful woman. They make it bray with donkey laughter, they fling it at the sky like paint pots full of rainbow colors.

The future has to do with fear. Don't attempt to come up here. Don't attempt to go forward, you were nobody, you are nobody, and you'll always be nothing, so don't even think about coming here because if you do, something awful will happen to you.

When I'm writing in long hand, it just goes on and on and on. When I was in the saloon business, I would just greet people and talk to them and avoid taxes, and getting behind the bar. What else.