I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'

As a performer you are being used to keep people watching so the commercial endorsements that support the network can be seen by as many people as possible.

My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.

I knew most of my radio listeners were lefty political people, and I decided definitively not to be that guy - not to address politics.

Comedy is obviously a matter of personal taste and the world always needs a clown and some people have no taste at all and any clown will do.

I'm not completely sure we aren't all living in a hallucination now.

A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What - does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.'