I love drugs, but I hate hangovers, and the hatred of the hangover wins by a landslide every time.

strange, there's so much religion in the world, but only enough to make us fight over who is right, not enough to make us love one another.

Humanity is a natural foil for inhumanity, and humanity is what will ultimately keep us going when all else has failed.

People at shows have told me that they've shown my videos to their parents and families to help them come out of the closet. It's very inspiring that comedy can do that and can help people cope with everyday life and challenges through humor.

I will never stop complaining.

I helped deliver one of my best friend's children. I just was so amazed by my friend, because she was not just a woman, she was not just a mother. At that moment she was creation; she was life; she was God. And as I looked in her eyes, BOOM! Her pussy exploded.

When it comes to children, my mom doesn't believe in borders. She loves all children, and that's a good example of mothering the world. I need to do that, but before I can, I need to get over my fear of kids in the first place.