I've never found an interesting person with a foul mouth.

Just because you're unemployed doesn't mean you're not doing anything useful. You are, for example, at least keeping your mother-in-law's wit sharp.

A good idea will keep you awake during the morning, but a great idea will keep you awake during the night.

Know how to treat frostbite until you can get indoors.

Be able to cite three good qualities of every relative or acquaintance that you dislike.

Know how to behave at a fine restaurant, which is a telltale measure of social maturity.

Know the official post office abbreviations for all 50 states without having to consult a list.