I hated high school. Ugh. I couldn't wait until it was over so I could sleep in. In college, I made sure all my classes were in the afternoon. I hated getting up in the morning.

Our black president can't say that he's for gay marriage. That is upsetting to me.

I wouldn't live with me, believe me. I'm moody.

I'm crass, contemptuous and crude, obstreperous, obnoxious, rambunctiously raw and rude.

Who do you think I am, Pete Rose? I don't bet. I come from a long line of compulsive gamblers. Gambling scares me.

Stand-up was like being on a Barbie townhouse stage.

I like to hold a book. When someone sends me a script, I ask for a hard copy or print one out.