A better idea than my own is to listen.

The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad - but whiskey!

The problem with education is school.

All say, ‘how hard it is that we have to die’ -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of those who have had to live.

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it down till the average is three and a half... I never write metropolis for seven cents, because I can get the same money for city. I never write policeman, because I can get the same price for cop.... I never write valetudinarian at all, for not even hunger and wretchedness can humble me to the point where I will do a word like that for seven cents; I wouldn't do it for fifteen.

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.