It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not.

Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women.

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

I can't do no literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.

I told you this would happen. But, no, you had to go for the buffet, didn't you?

Now he found out a new thing--namely, that to promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.

When you got to the table you couldn't go right to eating, but you had to wait for the widow to tuck down her head and grumble a little over the victuals, though there warn't really anything the matter with them. That is, nothing only everything was cooked by itself. In a barrel of odds and ends it is different; things get mixed up, and the juice kind of swaps around, and the things go better.