The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.

Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead.

If it would not look too much like showing off, I would tell the reader where New Zealand is.

I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.

It is plain that there is one moral law for heaven and another for the earth. The pulpit assures us that wherever we see suffering and sorrow, which we can relieve and do not, we sin, heavily. There was never yet a case of suffering or sorrow which God could not relieve. Does He sin then?

Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.