It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.

The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.

A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.

The reason why truth is so much stranger than fiction is that there is no requirement for it to be consistent.

[Do you worry unnecessarily about the future? Remember most fears are just False Evidence Appearing Real. Don't let unfounded fears rob you of the joys of life or you too will say...] There has been much tragedy in my life; [and] at least half of it actually happened.