A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.

France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.

I would rather go to bed with Lillian Russell stark naked than Ulysses S Grant in full military regalia.

My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.

But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people.

I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.

If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.