You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.

The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

There are only two forces that can carry light to all the corners of the globe... the sun in the heavens and the Associated Press down here.

If you must be indiscrete, be discrete in your indiscretion.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.