So you see, the quality of humor is not a personal or a national monopoly. It's as free as salvation, and, I am afraid, far more widely distributed. But it has its value, I think. The hard and sordid things of life are too hard and too sordid and too cruel for us to know and touch them year after year without some mitigating influence, some kindly veil to draw over them, from time to time, to blur the craggy outlines, and make the thorns less sharp and the cruelties less malignant.

I do not know what we should do without the pulpit. We could better spare the sun-the moon, anyway.

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

There are only two forces that can carry light to all the corners of the globe... the sun in the heavens and the Associated Press down here.

For a male person bric-a-brac hunting is about as robust a business as making doll-clothes.

There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.

It is easy to see that the inventor of the heaven did not originate the idea, but copied it from the show-ceremonies of some sorry little sovereign State up in the back settlements of the Orient somewhere.