Comedy keeps the heart sweet; but we all know that there is wholesome refreshment for both mind and heart in an occasional climb among the pomps of the intellectual snow-summits built by Shakespeare and those others.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long, seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.

The spirit of wrath - not the words - is the sin; and the spirit of wrath is cursing. We begin to swear before we can talk.