I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Phillipines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.

His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.

When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.

I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.

Hardly a man in the world has an opinion upon morals, politics or religion which he got otherwise than through his associations and sympathies. Broadly speaking, there are none but corn-pone opinions. And broadly speaking, Corn-Pone stands for Self-Approval. Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people. The result is Conformity.

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.