I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Phillipines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

I should have been glad to acquire some sort of idea of Hindu theology, ... but the difficulties were too great.

Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.

Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.

A good legible label is usually worth, for information, a ton of significant attitude and expression in a historical picture.

The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.