Sometimes I lifted a chicken that warn't roosting comfortable, and took him along. Pap always said, take a chicken when you get achance, because if you don't want him yourself you can easy find somebody that does, and a good deed ain't ever forgot. I never see papa when he didn't want the chicken himself, but that is what he used to say, anyway.

Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.

I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.

Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said.

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.