Sometimes I lifted a chicken that warn't roosting comfortable, and took him along. Pap always said, take a chicken when you get achance, because if you don't want him yourself you can easy find somebody that does, and a good deed ain't ever forgot. I never see papa when he didn't want the chicken himself, but that is what he used to say, anyway.

The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people.

I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.

I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.

Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia.

He gossips habitually; he lacks the common wisdom to keep still that deadly enemy of man, his own tongue.