I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.

When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. See what happens when you "know it all", at any stage of life? Farther down the track you may see clearly how certain personal opinions, held onto too tightly, could be fogging up the view, and providing incorrect insight. Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs.

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.

More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.

To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.

Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.