Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.

You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda.

In the small town of Hannibal, Missouri, when I was a boy, everybody was poor, but didn't know it; and everybody was comfortable and did know it.

I'm merely running some errands. This is now off the record.

Books are the liberated spirits of men.

I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.