In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long, seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.

I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

You have heretofore found out, by my teachings, that man is a fool; you are now aware that woman is a damned fool.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.