It is often the case that a man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

You can't break a bad habit by throwing it out the window. You've got to walk it slowly down the stairs.

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. When in doubt, tell the truth. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.

Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.

All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it.

Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. They study those passages more than they study any others, except those which incite to masturbation. Those they hunt out and study in private.

Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity. That is where the true evil lies.