The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

The funniest things are the forbidden.

All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge.

A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificiant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take every bit of conceit out of a man and reduce his self-importance to zero if he will only remain within the influence of their sublime presence long enough to give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work.

India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.

Whatever thing men call great, look for it in Joan of Arc, and there you will find it.