A gentleman is a man who can play the banjo, but doesn't.

For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instinct is worth forty of it for real unerringness.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

I'm all for prosperity. It's change I object to.

But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most, our one fellow and brother who most needed a friend yet had not a single one, the one sinner among us all who had the highest and clearest right to every Christian's daily and nightly prayers, for the plain and unassailable reason that his was the first and greatest need, he being among sinners the supremest?

Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said.