Writing is the easiest thing in the world.... Just try it sometime. I sit up with a pipe in my mouth and a board on my knees and I scribble away.

The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.

Damn these human beings; if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Start it at no particular time of your life; wander at your free will all over your life; talk only about the thing which interests you for the moment; drop it the moment its interest threatens to pale.

Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.

I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.