Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.

God made all the animals in a single day; he could have swept them all away in the flood and re-created them in one day when they were again needed. Therefore it was an odd idea to save specimens of them for eleven months in the ark, whilst aware that eight persons could not feed or water them by any human possibility. If they were to be preserved by miracle, the ark was not necessary - to let them swim would have answered the purpose and been more indubitably miraculous.

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.

I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases

If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'