You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you
Mark TwainIt is the Creatorยดs Grand Army, and he is the Commander-in-Chief... With these facts before you, now try to guess manยดs chiefest pet name for this ferocious Commander-in-Chief? I will save you the trouble but you must not laugh. It is Our Father in Heaven.
Mark TwainThere are no witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the texts that authorized them remain.
Mark TwainMen and women -- even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers.
Mark TwainOne of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Mark TwainWhen you want genuine music -- music that will come right home to you like a bad quarter, suffuse your system like strychnine whisky, go right through you like Brandreth's pills, ramify your whole constitution like the measles, and break out on your hide like the pin-feather pimples on a picked goose, -- when you want all this, just smash your piano, and invoke the glory-beaming banjo!
Mark Twain