I was born modest; not all over, but in spots.

An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it down till the average is three and a half... I never write metropolis for seven cents, because I can get the same money for city. I never write policeman, because I can get the same price for cop.... I never write valetudinarian at all, for not even hunger and wretchedness can humble me to the point where I will do a word like that for seven cents; I wouldn't do it for fifteen.

If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.

If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships.

The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes, but I hadn't any clothes on, and didn't mind.

The most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.