Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy.

It was the most earnest ambition I ever had....Not that I ever really wanted to be a preacher, but because it never occurred to me that a preacher could be damned. It looked like a safe job.

The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get a set which can really be depended on 'till a dentist makes him one.

Enthusiasm is caught, not taught.

If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.