Don't tell me it's raining when you're peeing on me!

Early every morning an old woman goes to the market to curse a grocery clerk, who curses back.

Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are.

A budget takes the fun out of money.

To be a social success, do not act pathetic, arrogant, or bored. Do not discuss your unhappy childhood, your visit to the dentist,the shortcomings of your cleaning woman, the state of your bowels, or your spouse's bad habits. You will be thought a paragon (or perhaps a monster) of good behavior.

Experience teaches us, but we scarcely know what.

Drunks do not have friends, but accomplices.