No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong.

Go see old virgins! Now ask a strange boy out, you shy, Retarded thing!

She introduced herself to my parents with one of her mighty, bunny-crushing handshakes. (I'd never seen Claudia crush a bunny, to be fair, but that's the approximate level of pressure.)

I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.

It was clearly one of those mornings when I was particularly American.

No sausage?" he asked. Apparently my pork consumption habits were a matter of public record.

You've never told me about your love life, Scarlett. You're a very pretty girl. You must have a boy shacked up somewhere for your personal delights. I'd bet it's a booky one, overtones of Harry Potter and a lot of black T-shirts.